


Lose My Mind

by ValiantMurder



Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Gen, Song fic, ya girl was bored
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 02:59:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12998382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValiantMurder/pseuds/ValiantMurder
Summary: Modern AU!The reader and Bjorn have been having an affair after he assured her that he was divorcing his wife, Torvi. That falls through and a few weeks pass, this is the aftermath.Forgive me for any mistakes, I rarely write in this point of view and I absolutely didn't proof read (she says as though she ever does).





	Lose My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to "Lose My Mind" by Dean Lewis on the way to work this morning and started imagining a scene with Bjorn, naturally I wrote it out and this is what we ended up with. Definitely inspired after seeing @CeridwenofWales piece "I'm Not Leaving This Bed" that I read a few days ago, you can find it here https://archiveofourown.org/works/12908709

 

 

_I see you walking through the rain_

_And I see the water covering your teardrops on your face_

 

 

Your head felt almost as heavy as your heart as you pressed forward through the passing storm. You were halfway back to your house from the local pub when you heard a car trailing you along the road. Sniffing you felt your arms wrap tightly around your frame, as though they could protect you from whatever eyes now stared down your lithe form, cold and sad. 

"Hey!" a voice called, and through the wind you could have sworn you heard the sound of a handbrake go up. Turning to see who it was calling out you squinted, raindrops falling over your eyelashes to blur the corners of your vision. When your eyes adjusted and you could see the car and the figure stepping out your felt your heart clench and tighten your grip around yourself.  _Bjorn_ you think breathlessly, unsure why he has followed you out here. 

"What do you want?" you challenge, shaking against the cold. Tonight had been your Christmas party, and whilst you loved working for Lothbrok industries you didn't trust yourself to be around the second in charge whilst drinking. When his wife had made one to many snide comments you felt your pride crumble and left quietly, hoping no one would notice. 

"Why did you run off?" Bjorn asks in return, stepping up and onto the pathway, when he stands in front of you, you marvel at his height and build not for the first time. Unable to look at him for too long you look away, ignoring the sting in your eyes as you consider his word, "hey" Bjorn pushes, resting a hand on your shoulder and encouraging you to look at him, "is everything okay?" 

 

 

_And I know that I broke all your rules_

_Oh, now you're looking at me, and I'm looking at you like a fool_

 

 

"Isn't it against your rules to ask employees too many personal questions, Bjorn?" you half heartily tease, recalling a team meeting not a month passed in which Bjorn ran over what was and wasn't proper with employees and co-workers, you spare a look at him and see an amused smile on his face, making your heart flutter. 

"I think we can let it slip this once," Bjorn answers kindly, his smile growing. "I'm sorry about Torvi" he adds as an after thought, he had heard the things his wife had said to you and he had had enough pride to shame her for it in front of some of the other employees, "I don't know why she doesn't like you" he confesses, but you are quite sure you know why. 

"Are you sure about that, vice-president?" you ask quietly, half hoping that the wind will steal your words and you need not have this conversation. When you study Bjorn's face you can see that he had heard you, and the words that come next cause him to falter. 

"Do you think she knows?" you nod at his question and feel your cheeks flush despite the cold surrounding you. "I -" he closes his mouth and looks away from your face. "I'm sorry"

"Me too" you smile at him sadly. He had been in the process for filing for a divorce when you started seeing one another, or so he had told you. You had spent so much time together over the course of six months that you truly believed that it would go through, and it wouldn't be how your friends had warned you. But it was, and Torvi was pregnant and Bjorn was not leaving her. "You should go back," you sniff, "or they'll wonder where you have gone" 

 

 

_But, you don't know what it feels like to fall in love with you_

_No, you don't know what it's like when you can't go back_

 

 

He considers it for a moment, just going back and pretending that he wasn't soaked in water and that he hadn't chased his former mistress from the party. But he didn't want to, he wanted to stay with you even if it meant freezing half to death in the passing storm. Swallowing hard he looks to the car and then back to you, his brain frantically trying to figure out what to do next. 

"Let me drive you home, at least" he asks you, the smile on his face is honest and sincere, and you feel yourself falter. "It's only a couple of minutes away," he adds, watching you consider it. When you finally nod he releases a breath that he hadn't realized he had been holding,  _good_  he thinks, at least he can spend a few more minutes with you now.

He drives painstakingly slow, hoping that you won't notice that his 'accidental' wrong turn was most definitely on purpose. Every now and then he glances to his side and takes in your features, he used to do this a lot when you went on business trips together, back then you would always tell him to keep his eyes on the road. 

"Here" Bjorn says tiredly when he pulls up in your driveway, when you look at him you feel something akin to guilt build in your chest at the look in his eyes. But you know you are not the one who should be feeling guilty, and you try to shake it off. "Make sure you have a hot shower or something, or you'll catch a cold" he smiles and you smile back, your hand going to the door. 

"I wish things were different, Bjorn" you hear yourself say, and you hate the weakness in your voice. Quickly you step back out into the rain and trudge up to your doorway, when you get there you tap your pockets to try and find exactly which one your keys are in. Frustrated you realize that you have left them in Bjorn's car, but before you can turn around a hand snakes past your hip and inserts the key in the lock. Pushing the door open from behind you feel Bjorn's strong chest push against you softly.

"You are always so forgetful" he chuckles against the side of your head, his breath against your neck sends heat flooding down your entire body. Stepping forward to break the contact you find yourself disappointed at the loss.

 

 

_'Cause I only lose my mind when I ain't got you_

_And how can I not win when I'm always bound to lose_

_No, when I ain't got you_

_No, no, no, I ain't got you, no_

 

 

From the doorway Bjorn watches the back of you. Soaked in rain he can see the strap of your beige bra strap through the back of your white shirt; he knows it's the one with the star charm on the front because he brought it for you. Smiling to himself he turns to leave when he feels your hand against him wrist and his heart clenches.  _She's not yours_ he wants to convince himself, but when he looks at your face so openly needing him he breaks. You melt into his arms in such a familiar way that he wants to groan his frustration. Strong arms against your body he pulls you into his embrace harder, he often thinks about how it feels to hold you in his arms, as well as a manner of other things. 

"I feel like I'm going crazy" you confess, your right hand running gentle circles around the back of his neck. You had started the habit without intention, finding the movements relaxed you both. "I don't think I can stay with the company" you whisper as an afterthought, you had been thinking about it for a long time now. Seeing Bjorn after building your life around him was too hard, and tonight with Torvi had only proved that you would never be able to outrun your feelings. 

"I don't want you to leave" Bjorn says seriously, leaning back and lifting your chin with one of his hands. He knew it was a losing battle, without you by his side he was bound to lose in one way or another. He knew he could not have it both ways, it was not fair to any party involved. 

 

 

_So come on inside, you catch a cold_

_Oh, darling the storm will pass when you grow old_

_But you stand next to me with a look in your eyes_

_And you say goodbye, you say goodbye_

_And you say goodbye_

_But, you don't know what it's like to lose you_

 

 

"Do you want to come inside?" you find yourself deflecting his words, encouraging him further into your house as you lean away from him. "You'll catch a cold if you don't get changed, too" you add as though he needs convincing. He has so many of his old things still in your home, you suppose that it is about time he came and collected them. 

"Will you really leave the company?" Bjorn asks as you start to run a shower, but he knows the answer. You hesitate just inside the bathroom, not sure whether to invite him or not.  _Is there pain in a last time?_ You ask yourself, but you already know the answer to that one. You and Bjorn had had many 'last' times, each left a new bruise on your heart.

"I think it would be for the best" you reply, unbuttoning the front of your blouse. Bjorn watches you hungrily, wetting his bottom lip as you watch him right back. "Do you want to have a shower?" you ask when you drop your shirt onto the floor beside you. 

Standing Bjorn walks to you and cups your face, his beautiful blue eyes stare so intensely down at you that you feel like you might melt. Leaning up on your toes you open your mouth to him and he leans down into you, one of his hands going to the back of your neck to direct your head. When he pushes you back into the bathroom wall you groan and then laugh, causing Bjorn to smile into your kiss.

"Did I hurt you?" he teases, his forehead resting on yours as you begin to lift his shirt over his head, his hand had already found the clasp at the back of your bra and you shrug it off one arm at a time.

"You'll have to try harder than that" you answer playfully as you let him pull the shirt over his head. He shakes his head and begins to unbutton the front of your pants expertly, he has done this enough times now that you doubt even you could undo your pants with the kind of precision he commands. Kicking them off you help him with his own, "new underwear?" you ask as you eye the black calvins, 

"Considering half of my clothes are here, I had no choice" Bjorn jokes, causing you to smile along with him once again. 

It it easy to be naked together, his hands roaming up and down your smooth skin as the warm water cascades down above you.  _It feels like home_ you tell yourself, the truth painful enough for you to frown. When Bjorn notices your change of expression he hesitates in his movements, bringing his hands up to your face again to wipe away at the water beneath your eyes. You can feel the goodbye despite it being unsaid,  _perhaps this will be the last time_ you think to yourself as you stare up into his face.

 

 

_'Cause I tried to hold on tight to make you mine, but I lost each time_

_And I only lose my mind when I ain't got you_

 

 

You dry yourselves back to back, but before you can find yourself something to slip into you feel his hands on your back and around your waist, he kisses your neck but you can feel that he has already begun to get dressed. Turning you look him up and down, his clothing almost offensive until he slips one of his older v-neck jumpers over your head. He must have found it on the laundry basket because it already smells like you've been wearing it to bed.

"I should go" Bjorn smiles sadly as you both move back out into the hallway, you nod at him and wonder if you should kiss him or escort him out silently. "I'm sorry" he sighs when you do nothing instead, your eyes trained on the floor between you as your brows furrow together. "I tried so hard to make it work between us, but I couldn't" he continues, making you wince.

"You didn't" you shake your head and meet his eyes, if you could be angry at him you would be. "You cheated on your wife and pretended as though the divorce was a solid thing, when she hardly knew a thing about it" you splay your hands in front of you, shaking your head again. "If you tried to make us work you wouldn't have been sleeping with her, Bjorn. She wouldn't have gotten pregnant and I wouldn't be leaving a job I love to escape a man that I loved". 

"You're right" Bjorn sighs, but his mind lingers on the word  _loved. "_ I wish I was a better man" 

"Yeah?" you ask, smiling despite yourself as you study his face, "so do I". 

 

 

_But I think it's time to let you go_

_To let your heart find a home_

_I need to let you go_

 

 

You don't return to work in the new year, instead you start as a personal assistant at a new law firm. You find yourself enjoying the new atmosphere; you miss Bjorn and his father but you don't check on them on social media anymore. The hole in your heart begins to heal and you start seeing new people here and there, one of the interns in your firm asks you on a date and you agree to go. 

You sit down at the posh restaurant he had booked for you it was nice. Everything about him was  _nice_ and whilst it wasn't what you had been used to, you smiled and played along to the game of dating. He was kind and you were lonely, so when you let him hail you a cab you didn't think about who might be watching and what it may look like to anyone else. 

When you fucked it was probably a mistake, you weren't going to marry this guy but he was kind and you had been wanton. His hands fumbled where Bjorn's had been sure, and he seemed nervous to look you in the eye, where Bjorn had always liked to be intense when you made love. After the deed was done you said farewell with a smile on your lips, he didn't kiss you goodbye.

After you turned and shut the door you didn't feel the eyes on the back of your neck, you skin didn't prickle and you didn't turn to see the car parked just a little up the road. Instead you closed the door, none the wiser that your old lover had been waiting to see if he could catch you for a conversation since midday. Bjorn had instead followed your steps, blood teeming with jealousy as he watched the stranger touch you in ways he had once done. 

He wasn't good enough for you. He was too skinny, too weak. Bjorn scrolled through your social media long after the lights turned off, his eyes trailing your delicate features. He knew he had to let you go but it was driving him crazy. Your heart deserved the kind of care he couldn't give you, a  _home_ he couldn't give you. 

 

 

_'Cause I only lose my mind when I ain't got you_

_And how I can win when I'm always bound to lose_

_No, I ain't got you_

_No, no, no, I ain't got you, oh_


End file.
